Karin Wildheart

Have you ever been in a situation where you know what you’d rather be doing than your day job… but you’re worried that your dream job or business isn’t financially feasible or “realistic”? Me, too.

But tell me this: When you die, do you want people to say, “Her life was so realistic! Totally financially feasible”? Me, neither.

I had a great conversation with a friend on this topic that I want to share with you. Based on our conversation, I would put my friend’s relationship to her dream at Stage 3 with a splash of Stage 1. See my article The Six Stages of Living Your Dream for what I mean by this.

Context: her current job pays well and is logistically great for her life. It uses her skill set and she likes pretty much everything about it except for the fact that deep down it’s not what she wants to be doing. She longs to be doing something else in a related but entirely different field/industry . (Her prior job was in this desired field.)

As a life coach, I perked up as soon as she told me, “This job isn’t what I really want to be doing.” This is what I love to explore. Tell me, tell me why you aren’t doing what you really want to be doing!

Our conversation

Me: Why aren’t you working in that industry again, then? What’s stopping you?

Her: I don’t think I could make it work; like, I couldn’t make a living doing it.

Me: What about [name of person we both know who works in the desired industry]? Could you use a model like hers?

Her: Yeah, I actually talked to her and she said I was underpaid at my last job; she earns more even doing everything herself in her own business.

Me: Great! So you used to be earning less and living on that. Couldn’t you make it work if you’re paid appropriately this time, earning more?

Her: Well yes, but that’s not exactly what I want to be doing.

Me: What exactly do you want to be doing?

Her: [Beautiful idea I already know she cares deeply about that has practical value and necessity for the world.] But you just can’t make money doing that.

Your excuses sound like facts to you

I could feel the energy shift that happened at this point. We’d pulled up something really important: the *real* dream and the chief excuse her mind was generating for why it couldn’t happen. They came up intertwined, like two carrots that have grown around each other.

Most people assume those carrots cannot be untangled. They would call the excuse a sad fact of the world we live in. Actually it’s more like they would see them as a single carrot. That it’s simply an unfortunate fact that you can’t make money doing [dream job], and it’s just as much a part of the carrot as its orange color or vitamin C content.

What sad “facts of life” (“just the way the world works”) are keeping you from your dream life? Identifying them is the first step to getting past them.

Here’s the thing: you can make money doing pretty much anything. People can monetize photos of their feet or livestreams of themselves eating noodles or popping popcorn with a hair straightener. People with big social media followings get paid a lot of money for talking about products they would have talked about anyway.

I wonder how many beautiful dreams have died shipwrecked on the shores of “you can’t make money doing that.”

If you can picture it, you have the blueprint to create it

I asked my friend, “Can you picture making money doing this, being successful, having it work out the way you want?”

Her: Yes, definitely.

Me: Then I think that means it’s possible. Your mind can hold the blueprint of it, and you can create it if you are willing to.

I told her that there are some dreams I have that I literally cannot picture. In my wildest dreams I can’t mentally conjure what it would be like for a particular close relative to be emotionally available and sharing their inner world. I’ve never seen it and it is unlike anything in this world I have seen; I cannot extrapolate it. Now even that doesn’t mean that is impossible, although I finally stopped holding my breath for it a few years ago.

But the point is that if you CAN vividly picture what it would look like for your dream to work out, and especially if you feel clear, strong, persistent desire for it, you can create it.

I asked her, “What opens up when you stop telling yourself ‘I can’t make money doing this?’”

She mentioned that there happens to be a big gap in this niche industry in our area. It was clear to me in chatting further that she knew a ton about the topic. She has a strong network of relevant contacts. She works hard and takes work seriously.

I realized that I honestly think her dream is the natural outcome of her life force if she just stops suppressing it with stories like “You can’t make money doing this.” If she lets herself start small and build from a place of passion and dedication.

All you have to do is stop holding yourself back

I am sharing her story because this is true of all of us: We have energy for what we really want to do when we stop putting energy toward what we don’t want to be doing. When we stop using our limited energy to tell stories about why we can’t do it.

You don’t have to motivate yourself to take steps in the direction you most want to go. You only have to stop holding yourself back from it.

A story like “You can’t make money doing this” is powerful enough to stop us in our tracks. It sneakily shows up as a simple, incontrovertible fact of life, but this story is a protective mechanism. Our brains use the mechanism of story to protect us from entering a situation the brain has deemed unsafe.

Our brains are extremely efficient. That’s why they stick the label “safe” on things we have seen before, things we can predict. Why waste resources on something unpredictable (that may not work)? Investing time, energy, and emotion is considered a poor use of resources when the result is not guaranteed.

And yet, what kind of life do we end up with when we rule out risk and taking chances?

Your thoughts are your biggest barrier to achieving your dreams. Yes, bigger than funding. Why? Because when you want something badly enough, you can figure out the funding (or whatever else needs figuring out).

This is (likely) why it hasn’t worked out so far

Here’s the Catch-22: Likely the reason you don’t think you can figure out the funding (or whatever) is because you’ve only let yourself try “safer” things that didn’t really get your engine going. Because you weren’t completely committed and motivated, you didn’t have the juice to make it work no matter what. So when it didn’t work out and you stopped trying, you were left with the story that it’s just not possible.

Your thoughts, your stories, are what prevent you from even trying. And when you’re not even trying, when you’re not committed, then you’re right — it’s not possible. It’s unlikely that you can try something halfheartedly for a short while and meet success. Being absolutely committed to doing what it takes is the path.

For many of us, the only thing that can bring out the best, most persistent version of us is our top-shelf dream. The one that makes us smile and light up just to think about. The one that feels amazing to think about.

You can have whatever you commit to completely

We all have something that would motivate us to get as scrappy as necessary. If you want something badly enough, you will figure out what you have to do and start taking those steps.

We usually see this in a sad situation, in the negative. When your loved one starts having crazy medical bills and you start doing whatever it takes to pay them off. You would open ten credit cards. You would take another job. You would sell your bone marrow. You would swallow your pride and go to that rich relative, hat in hand. There’s nothing you would not do for the money that could save their life.

I’m thinking of Megara in the 1997 Disney movie Hercules–she sold her soul to the devil to spare her boyfriend’s life. An illustration that there was nothing she wouldn’t do for him.

When you are completely 1000% committed, you enter a calm place of clarity and simplicity. You consider avenues you normally wouldn’t. It can be a nice feeling. Everything else is quieted and stripped away. It feels good to sometimes be single-minded. Self-doubt has exited the chat, and you are rising to your potential.

We’re capable of so much more than we realize. Why not go after what you most want right now instead of waiting for a desperate, forced situation to prove what you can do, show what inner resources you possess?

You may find that your beautiful brain is trying so hard to protect you that it is lying to you, telling you your dream is impossible. If you are willing to lovingly stand up to your brain and put it in its place, the world opens up before you.

[Practical exercise] Ask yourself: “But what if I could?”

This question will take you far: “But what if I could?” The next time your brain offers, “You can’t make money doing that!” all you need to do is ask, “But what if I could?” Ask it seriously. Let yourself picture it. Smile to yourself as you imagine the sights, sounds, and feelings of your success. Then let yourself live into the answer your mind creates. Whenever your brain offers that it is impossible, gently reframe by asking, “But what if it were possible?”

You are capable of getting what you want if only you stop holding yourself back with stories about how it couldn’t work, or isn’t working. If you pursue it and don’t stop. If you use all your resources, networks, effort, and intention. Even if you don’t end up achieving your goal, or change your mind about it, isn’t it worth it to spend your brief life on Earth doing what you really care about doing?

Do you secretly want something that feels impossible? I’ve been there, and I can help. I would love to help you see what you’re capable of once you stop holding yourself back with words like, “can’t,” “impossible,” and “realistic.” As a simple everyday example, technology isn’t realistic until it is. Our everyday lives would look like magic to our ancestors. It’s the same with your hopes & dreams. My 1:1 coaching unleashes the most powerful, capable version of you. Even if you’ve been hiding and stalling for 20 years.

[Instant access free download] Reconnect to your priorities

Looking for a DIY tool to help you clarify your deepest dreams? Knowing your priorities can offer confirmation of what you really want and help you decide which path to pursue. My free Step One guide was created to support you in this process. Best of all, you can access it immediately.

Photo by Igal Ness on Unsplash