Karin Wildheart

Your beliefs hold the world around you in place. Or at least your closet.

I realized this while decluttering.

I noticed my beliefs were the only determinant of which clothing stayed and which went. Without them, I would have different or fewer clothes in my life.

If I don’t love a shirt, but I think I won’t find one that fits my needs or wants better, then the belief This is as good as it gets is keeping it in my closet and in my life. Every sighting of the shirt subconsciously reinforces to my subconscious mind that I’ve decided This is as good as it gets. My belief reflected back to me over and over again.

Remember, the subconscious doesn’t only speak in words, but in images, especially symbols. Your clothes symbolize the beliefs that keep them in your life. Everything you own means or symbolizes something to you–makes sure it’s something you want to subconsciously signal! Laying eyes on a symbol communicates quickly and silently to your soul, spirit, and subconscious. This is why people keep photos of loved ones or items that “just make them happy”–because it makes a difference!

If I keep sweatpants that aren’t very flattering, or that make me feel frumpy, just because they’re warm, I believe Beauty and functionality cannot coexist. I won’t be open to finding something both attractive and comfortable because I won’t even be looking for it. Whenever I wear something warm but frumpy, I’ll be reminded all day that I have to choose; I can’t have it all. Wow! I don’t want to be wearing that belief.

Ever had the thought, I can’t get rid of this; I just bought it! I have, many times. Well, does wearing it bring your money back? No. So what’s really going on? Why can’t you get rid of something you just bought? Here are some possibilities:

Is it, I’m irresponsible if I change my mind quickly and I can’t stand to think of myself as irresponsible?

Is it, Changing my mind is a problem if I invested money in my initial choice?

Or its underlying belief, It’s better to stay the same than to change. There’s inherent value in the status quo?

You see, sometimes clothing choices (what to keep, what to donate) reflect the silent passage of time. Who I used to be or how I used to think, tangibly contrasted to who I perceive myself to be now and my current beliefs. Sometimes these choices reflect on relationships.

I realized I was holding on to a pair of pants my mom gifted me because of the thought She did a great job picking something that was a perfect fit (this once). Underlying that was the belief This will never happen again and its partner so I have to keep these to commemorate the occasion. Wait, what? Keep them? For how long? Forever? When I slow down and notice these beliefs, they really lose their hold on me.

Whether or not it ever happens again, that nice memory is not more important than styling myself in a way I feel great about. To counteract my old belief, I said out loud, “These pants were a gift to me and I gratefully receive the spirit of wanting to give to me. The gift I am now giving myself is a chance to pursue my own style.”

A former friend gave me some leggings I know it’s time to get rid of. But I was so touched by her effort in tracking down a pair and sending them to me. They’re not in perfect condition anymore. They have a little run in the front. They’re not necessarily in style at the moment. So what am I believing here? That somehow Letting them go is further closing the door on our friendship?

Well, maybe it is, in a way, but nothing will ever undo the time and energy she put in. The friendship is over whether I accept that or not. The door has already been closed, as it were. You can’t “further close” a closed door. And, energetically speaking, it’s likely that holding on here is keeping some of my energy tied up so I’m less available for new friendships and possibilities.

I’ve purged my closet many times in my life. Usually it’s been grudgingly releasing things I wasn’t wearing anyway. But once I saw the clear beliefs-to-garments connection, I began to wonder: What if I eliminated a “main” clothing item I wear a lot but that doesn’t really reflect my style or make me feel confident or good about myself?

I was sure that would free up a lot more energy than just moving things from the back of my closet to a Goodwill box. It felt scary to consider, but I really wanted to upgrade my beliefs.

I tested this out, keeping my big, warm, comfortable sweatpants in a different drawer than the clothes I liked more and intended to wear. There are always a million things that can affect a mood, but I couldn’t deny that I was a lot happier after I stopped wearing them. Maybe I felt better about myself because I liked how I looked? Because I didn’t feel half-apologetic when I thought of my appearance? (Lots to unpack there, I know.) Because I must have thought on some level that I’m worth adorning beautifully or stylishly or at least in a way that reflects my aesthetic taste?

Keeping a lot of clothes around used to massively contribute to me feeling overwhelmed because it underscores the belief, Having lots of stagnant energy around me is okay. Or even Living in denial and not facing my concerns head on is just part of the fabric of my life, business as usual. Believe me, I know intimately what it’s like to have a super-full closet, room, trunk, drawer, or other space I’d prefer not to open, go near, or even think about. It can be so draining.

Another belief communicated by a full closet is I don’t have standards for my life or my environment. I’ll just accept whatever’s around. These are deep, often unconscious beliefs about choice and agency in the world, about boundaries. Knowing that some people do have standards, what must I believe of myself and my relative worth to not have or live out my own?

I’d be remiss not to mention trauma and the idea that it might require more nervous system capacity than a person has to dive in and clear out a cluttered closet or space. It has taken me many years of healing to get to the place I am at now, where such a project can feel exciting instead of intimidating and exhausting.

I have compassion for those who are not ready yet; I’d be a real hypocrite to have any judgment around this. It can feel confronting to become aware of how our beliefs create and cement our reality — even shaming. I fought it for a long time. If this has been a welcome caveat, consider if your capacity is where you want it to be, and how you might go about gently building it if that’s something you want to do.

How do you feel when you look in your closet or dresser? What kinds of emotions and sensations bubble up when you’re faced with your clothing? I suspect it’s a direct result of what your clothes are saying to you, which is really what you are saying to you, however unconsciously.

Start getting rid of some things. Notice anything you tell yourself about why you can’t or shouldn’t get rid of them. You will be making the unconscious, conscious. Simply noticing what you currently believe (which may feel surprising to you!) will allow you to intentionally select beliefs that feel better.

If your closet shows you that you’re settling for less than you want from life, I’d love to help you choose and anchor in new beliefs that support the life you want to be living.

Come say hi on Instagram if you enjoyed this article or join my email list if you want to hear more from me. If you’re done just accepting whatever’s handed to you and ready to carve out a life that’s truly yours, I created a free guide with one simple step to get you started.